Her Shadow 9

He was gone 

At time's, i was in a state of longing for the sleep off oblivion i wanted to surrender myself to the darkness, i long for the feeling of forgetfulness. They said he's stabilizing but it went downhill from there.

"what ifs" played in my head, 

was their a way we could've stopped this.


What happened, 

It was god's will and i will never second guess his judgement but the pain it got me in a haze. The shock at first it got me in denial i didn't want to believe it was true i never lost someone who's close to my age it's not the same as loosing someone older someone where by time i learned to accept their lose and heal a little from the pain but this was different, this haunts me because every time i feel happy i hate myself, i hate myself because he was gone and i can't allow myself that happiness.

 It's been 4 months, times passed where i forgot. I started to feel okay again but there's always something that pulls me back, something that reminds me off his loss. Death, it's not something you get over, it's something you have to deal with. Well, that's how i feel right now because i cannot describe the pain i am in. At times, i was strong and i let my happiness and distractions take over. And at time's i am no longer myself, the moment something unrelated bothers me it's when i start to think about him more, that's how my head is coping with grief it connects all things that make me sad or hurt, all together in one bundle off pain and when I'm not okay those feelings rush back in like a stab in my heart.

They say time heals wounds and i hope that one day the small things that remind me off him will no longer hurt me or cause me pain, it's not love that caused the pain it's the familiarness and the getting used to, it's like having someone around that starts to consume your thoughts and suddenly they're gone and your thoughts still linger on the thought off them, he was going to be a part off my life and now he is, just not in the same way.

uni, 

it was a struggle but then it started becoming routine, holidays passed and i found an excuse every time to stay here and thankfully my family allowed me to, knowingly. my passion and creativity towards my work became mundane i felt numb, i needed energy. 

I need to realise of the actuality of what happened, in opposed to denying it and letting myself believe that it was not true. 

He was gone and was not coming back. 

Something i yet have to learn to live with..

3waash left and stayed back home, she didn't want to come back after what happened, not yet at least.

I thought i was alone but I'm starting to realize that I'm not. 


Saif


There he was, looking as drained as i am with so little energy to care about anything, i found myself paying more attention to this stranger who i still have a lot to learn about.

written from the heart

Her Shadow~

Her Shadow 8

      I sat on my bed working on my assignment which didn't take much time , it was late and even though i still had time tomorrow i like getting things done when i can being in a foreign country on your own leads to that i guess or at least its either this or become a slacker and procrastinate all my work , i sent an email to saif with my part as soon as i was done.

Two minutes later to my surprise i got a reply with an attachment with his part of the assignment. you could say i was a little shocked that he actually bothered doing it today. i closed my laptop and looked for the menu thinking of what I'll have for dinner but then i didn't really feel like eating yet so i changed into something comfy and headed to the door.

 Getting ice cream from outside seemed like a good idea to me but not only was it a bad idea it was beyond that because the second i walked out i saw the most dreadful accident a guy got hit by a car i couldn't handle the sight i tried to sit down but didn't find a place to sit where i was standing trying to comprehend what just happened but something got me back to reality a familiar voice screaming and shouting for help i thought i recognised it only to realise it was 3waash.

7amad's sister was the source of that plea for help i rushed to her she was surrounded by a lot of people but when i did i wish i hadn't because there he was on the ground so still and unconscious anything that came after that i can't remember because i found myself on the hospital floor calming 3waash down and waiting for the doctor to update us what seemed like hours passed when in reality it was just about 40 minutes or so the doctor came and i straightened myself up to talk to him he seemed to be hesitant which wasn't so reassuring , he basically said he has a few broken bones and is stabilizing but will have to stay in the hospital for a while for recovery...


-

Saif walks in through the hospitals corridor's door looking for 7amad's room he had the hood on and wasn't paying attention to his surrounding's he asked the nurse which directed him to the room , 3waash noticed him and with whatever energy she had left called her brothers friend over and told him what happened. 


Saif spoke calmly ; I'm sorry i couldn't be here sooner i came here as soon as i got your message , he'll be okay inshallah i know he will be.

3waash: inshallah

Saif leaned against the wall across from his friend's sister , he noticed the girl next to her she looked tired yet familiar , her hair was a mess yet still looked good it fell on her neck perfectly where her baggy sweater slightly went off-shoulder, her back leaning forward hunched while her arm rested on one knee and her other hand behind 3waash's back she looked up for a moment and her eyes fell upon his steady gaze she seemed to be thinking or analyzing she first squinted her eyes , tilted her head then hunched her back again letting her hair fall on both sides of her face.

 red suits her, he thought , how even in such a state she looked pretty but realizing where he is and what happened all his thoughts disappeared but his mesmerizing eyes *that he tends to hide* weren't so hesitant as he stares at her with all obviousness something i doubt he realized  

sorry..

Her Shadow~

Her Shadow 7

It's a new daaawn.. It's a new daaay ..It's a new liiiiife ..For me , And I'm feeling goooood~

The sound of the tv woke me up and contrary to what was playing i was no where close to feeling good. Uni starts today and I'm barely ready mentally.

I thought of ditching but I decided not to maybe going to Uni will make me feel better b'3yr jaw at least and I can't start the year this way.

I put my outfit on braided my hair and was on the way to Uni. The traffic was unusual, guess it's because fashion week starts a few days from now. As the taxi driver pulled closer to Uni I felt the nerves creeping in i fixed my skirt payed the taxi driver and was on my way to class which to my surprise wasn't so hard to find.

 I entered the class and only saw a couple of heads , guess we're here early.

 A few minutes passed by and I was occupied ara8ib eli da5el w'li 6ali3 a guy came in and was heading to the seat next to me, he had a hoodie on so I could barely see how he looked like.

As I glanced his way I heard the professor coming in so I shifted my attention to her , she started talking about the class , what we're going to take and what we'll need for this semester she also mentioned how she likes group work and that we're going to do lots of them ...

I hate this class already :" 

She asked us to pair with the person next to us and gave us a small introductory project to get to know more about the class and the students we'll be working with . Since it's nothing complicated all we needed is each other's email's to communicate and share the info we find. I looked at the guy but he didn't move an inch .

Me: hello ?

Guy: what ?

wth is wrong with this guy .. 

"chill.." i spoke to myself mtw83teh sma3ni 

Guy: what ??

Me: nothing, weren't you listening to what she said ?

Guy: no

Me: she said we should pair with the person next to us for group projects.

The guy hissed "mtfaygeh hay"

Me: o-o

Shit he's local ...I acted like I had no idea what he was saying since it seemed like he thought that too ...what's up with this guy .. allah y3een shakli ill do all the work...

Me: excuse me ?

Guy: take my email , give me your's and tell me what i need to send

He gave me his email he said his name was saif i told him my name was (may) as in the month may l2ni lo glt mai it'll give it away the professor called me that anyway so I'm good.

it was time to leave class , as i was heading out

i heard someone shouting from behind

"HEY WAIT"

i looked back :| and it was saif he came closer and stood by my shoulder so i had to look up to see him but I didn't want to so I stepped back

saif awkwardly : erm ah i didn't get your email

i gave him my email and as soon as i walked away i saw a group of girls waving at me min b3eed they looked like they were Arab's as well but i wasn't sure. I headed over even though I wasn't bothered 

gir1: hey you're local right

Me: yeah

girl2: omg was that hottie giving you his number ? Why was he talking to you ? Do you know him ?

Me: woah calm down

girl3: well we do his name is saif , may3br 7d but he was talking to you why ?

Wow they're crazy ; _____;

Me: he just forgot to take my email for the project

girl2: hahaha no way he doesn't care , well he cares about his grades but not when it comes to group work

Me: well maybe he does now ... Wait why do you guys know all this

girl1: excuse our manners i'm Dana and those are the stalkers Moza and Afra mashay sha'3la all they do is stalk the poor guy who is clearly not interested in them and  as a matter of fact anyone else either.

The girls both laughed and looked at me shyly and both said sorry in unison

Me: I'm not either so don't worry, I got to go now see you guys around i guess

I went to joe's for coffee this is all I need right now , coffee and time to think things through... 


Comments are appreciated <3
Her Shadow~

Her Shadow 6

i closed my eyes and leaned my head against his chest as it moves with every breath he takes, he moves the hair behind my ear and plants a kiss behind it as he whispers "you're mine stalker" i wanted him to hold me tighter i wanted to turn around and wrap my arms around him but once i realized what was happening the only sane thing to do was run And that's exactly what I did.

i was looking for my keys when i heard the elevator open i opened my door just before whoever was in stepped out , I didn't want to see him.

closing the door behind me i sat down taking it all in. what was that back there who does he think he is holding me like that bychoof ma bsweelh salfeh.. 

i started unpacking my clothes to distract myself i unpacked them as outfits , makes it easier to decide on what to wear later on for uni, i decided to spend the day out and buy me a couple of things for uni tomorrow. i changed into a MQueen Duchesse-silk peplum bustier and a printed silk georgette cape with brown leggings and veronica combat shoes and was ready to head down. 

as i was walking through the lobby heading out , i heard someone calling my name i recognized the voice immediately but I had to make sure since i didn't think it'd be possible or that maybe my mind was playing tricks on me i looked around and didn't recognize anyone as i was about to continue i heard my name again this time i was sure it was my dad. He was standing by the concierge. i froze for a second making sure that's my dad over there. i walked towards him but stopped midway he was talking to him...as soon as he left my dad came to me.

dad: halla 7beebty mai kbarty mashallah w 7lwaity 

salamt 3laih and i looked at him weirdly iv'e seen him a few days ago and it's always awkward between me and my dad, why is he being nice all of a sudden 

me: hallah uboyeh shu tswee hneeh magltli bati 

dad: mashay 3ndi sh'3l hneeh w yaay a6amn 3laich w aklmch ef mw'6oo3 

me: ubooyeh mnu ha eli knt etklmh ?

my dad laughed 

dad: ha 7amad wld a7mad mat7edeen yoom kanaw eyoon el meelas 3ndna w tl3been wyaah w wya e5t'h ? kinti 9'3eera 3aad huh akbr 3anch bshway ymkn ma t7edeenh wayed 

but i did how could i forget him he pulled my hair everyday 

dad: 3a 6ari 7amad 

I felt like I knew where this was going but I was hoping it wasn't , we sat and talked and sadly i was right , i spent the rest of the day with him even though he was busy with business calls and we barely talked at least i got me a couple of things i needed for uni it was still awkward after dinner he told me he had to sleep early because of his conference tomorrow and that he'd be heading back to Dubai after he was done 

so .... he had to drop the marriage bomb right before uni starts. i can't believe it was 7amad after all but what about that girl ...dad says he's a good guy and that he wants me to think about it.  my mom called and she talked about it too i just listened quietly to what they both had to say... i felt scared and nervous about this whole thing but I kept those feelings to myself i headed to my room and just stood there with my back to the door not thinking straight I'm not sure how long I stayed outside.

i heard his door open i panicked and started looking for my key but i was too nervous ma3rf shu yaaaani gmt antifi'6 i saw him come closer he was wearing track pants and a hoodie and had his headphones on he leaned on the wall beside me and just stared at me i couldn't look up ..a few minutes had past and he didn't move an inch 

i looked up at him and managed to speak somehow 

me: Mmm whats erm wrong..
without any emotion he said "you're really pretty" 

i turned all shades of red i felt like my face was on fire he came closer and kissed my forehead before i got the chance of doing or saying anything he was heading to the elevator.
uhhhh this guy thinks he can do anything he wants !

Her shadow~

Comments appreciated 

Ps: sorry anonymous i wasn't feeling well i couldn't post promise i'll try to post more frequently  <33

Her Shadow 5

Right now I'm in desperate need of fresh air , I strolled down 5th avenue to Henri bendle.

 A lady who works there complimented my ombre hair she was really sweet too she helped me pick out a couple of nice things, I walked around bought some headbands, a couple of rings and a bracelet. I then headed to central park for a walk I thought of walking all the way to uni but I was too tired ma3rf 3a Shu mst3yleh It's still the first day so I went back to the hotel to rest.

As I entered my Room, I noticed my milk shake in its place, right where he left it I took the Tray and left it outside.

Since I'm really tired today I'm not planning on unpacking just yet I'll just take Something comfy to wear and I'll unpack tomorrow. I wore a baggy shirt That I loved, short shorts and tied my hair in a bun 

Trying to avoid thinking of unnecessary things unsuccessfully I started thinking of him as I dozed off to sleep.

Woke up early in the morning with a big appetite I was craving all sorts of things , New York does that to you. I decided to go have breakfast in Sara Beth's since it's only by the corner. I got ready , wore a light denim buttoned long sleeved shirt , black skinny pants and black heels. I let my hair down and tied my head with a red headscarf. Applied my usual eyeliner , ch7aal and just the right shade of purple lipstick that complimented my tanned skin tone.

As I was heading downstairs I realized I left my phone upstairs so I went back up to get it. That's when I saw his door open I tried to run to my room but I ended up face down on the floor you can't imagine the embarrassment. Still on the floor I saw him leave his room . Wait WHAT !? Those are heels , I stood up really fast looking at the girl with pure shock , she walked over to me w salimat 3layeh 

Girl: you must be Mai 

I felt furious and pissed off but I didn't show it

Me: Erm yeah and you are ?

Girl: I'm ..

He came out of his room interrupting the girl 

Him: yallah 3waashi bnseer Sara Beth's 

Girl: it was nice seeing you 

And with that they both left , I really want to go to Sara Beth's so I'll just go anyway , who cares what he thinks .. Okay , maybe I do.. But right now I'm just mad .. I think 

I grabbed my phone and headed to Sara Beth's saw them having breakfast just a couple of seats down , I ordered cheese blintzes with strawberries and totally forgot they existed ...it has that power over me , so yummy :") . 

As I was leaving I overheard him talking to the girl

Him : someone can't seem to stay away.

I knew he was talking about me , I was annoyed even though I asked him to stay away . I rushed my way out I saw him running out too and he was getting closer. I only realized how close he was when his arms were around my waist and my back to his chest.

Him: I'm sorry stalker 

HerShadow~

Her Shadow 4

I opened the door tilted my head to the side to try and see who's by the door and saw a tray with my vanilla milk shake I was relieved, i totally forgot about it good thing I didn't go down yet I opened the door and gave the servant my back

me: you can leave the tray on that table

I walked his way to sign the receipt when i lifted my head I was shocked, if anyone saw me they’d think there’s a gun pointed at my head.. I just stood there looking at him

"missed me stalker" ?

me:WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM ?!
him: I just wanted to say hi to my wife … no harm in that. Anyway , see you later honey


He winked had a sip from MY MILK SHAKE and headed to the door … I don't know what made me do it but I had a strong urge to , I grabbed the closest pillow and aimed right at him, to my surprise he lost his balance and hit his head on the side of the table. i froze..


He sat there with his hand on his head and all i saw was the blood trickling down his fingers i didn't mean for all this to happen i felt a tear make its way down my cheek i was still standing in my place he winced in pain and that made me realize i had to do something i ran back to my bag to look for the medical kit i found it in the side pocket I took it out and ran back to him


Still sitting there like a kid, with those adorable eyes looking at me i sat next to him i opened the medical kit and took out a small cloth i had to put alcohol on the wound so that it won't get infected even if it was a small one. He didn’t say a word he just looked at me with loving eyes even though he just fell because of me..


My hands were a little shaky but i managed to reach his head he flinched, i guess it burnt a lot i felt really bad

me: I'm sorry baby *pouts*


His eyes lit up, he sat up straight and asked


him: Mmm what did you say ?
me: what ?
him: you just said baby
me: *giggles nervously* no i didn't ? i think you hit your head quite hard sorry again… i think we should go to the hospital just to make sure you're okay
him: no i'm fine
me: are you sure ?
him: yah i'll just go back to my room

i gave him the medical kit and told him to make sure the wound stays clean lain ma ybra el yar7

He opened the door and as he was about to head out he looked at me and was about to say something just when i was about to talk we both laughed

me: you first …
him: i can wait
me: Mmm i would prefer it if you won't show up at my room or anywhere else like that ….


i didn't like what i just said i really don't know why i did UHHHH … he looked at me with a straight face i couldn't tell what he was thinking


him: mmm inshallah sorry ...


And with that said he left and left me there feeling so lonely and lost all of a sudden and all i can think of was wanting him back ..

HerShadow~